You are kind,
full of respect
Against aggression, you take action!
You won’t let your friends be treated unfairly!
So why do you bully
I am intimately acquainted with self-hatred. When I was at my very worst, I believed myself even too incompetent to live. One shrink got mildly angry at me and said I wasn’t even trying to help myself. I told her that I was beyond hope and that I was sorry I was wasting her time.
Of course, that was the depression talking.
Eventually, I got better and regained some self-love. I created that persona of mine, bought pretty clothes, took care of myself. I started doing more of what I loved the most. I tried hard to love myself despite my faults, but I would still have episodes of acute self-hatred.
Last week, this interview made me realize I was still doing something wrong: the thing is not to love myself despite my faults. It’s to love myself with them.
If a person was a painting, then their personality traits would be the different colours. When looking at the picture, you don’t think “this colour is good, this one is bad”. You look at how the colours interact and see what they portray.
You’ve got only one picture. It’s not finished; it’s a neverending work-in-progress. You can keep adding to it. But it is much easier to do if you don’t try to change it completely and then beat yourself up when you don’t succeed.
Learn to love and respect your picture the way it is. Identify what still needs works, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself. These things take time, so be patient. Take breaks. When you screw up, wipe and start again.
I find that the more I love myself, the more confidence I have, the more I feel in control of my life and the happier I feel. These are all interconnected.
Do something you love today. Take care of yourself. Don’t beat yourself up: that never helped anyone. Here’s a nice post by Jason Connell on how to love yourself.
Happy Valentine’s Day! Enjoy the chocolates.
*By the way, I’m aware that my poem is amateur-ish, but I love it anyway.